When two middle-aged men meet...
The conversation inevitably turns to their health.
There ya go,
Nothing like a good sake to keep you ticking.
I take care of my health anyway, though.
They've never caught anything on my physicals. They even say I could live to be a hundred!
Wow, a hundred?
Then again, I'm already a few hundred years old, so I guess I'm a few times healthier than you are.
I dunno about that.
Never know what's gonna happen tomorrow.
No way a human's gonna live longer than me.
After all, they say whomever eats kappa meat becomes immortal.
Yeah, sure, the person that eats it.
A
Whitey Age 43
A
Mayor Claims to be 620
Oh, now it's on!
What the heck are those two up to?
The two, close in age, tend to take each other too seriously.
Come on, everyone's watching Cosmos vs. Alien
Their battles are always marvelous
He commands a fleet, but he's really been an alien since before he was born
The distance between "micro" and "macro" is so important
At least when it comes to misunderstandings in space treaties
If it's this or be the second coming of Adam and Eve
Everyone's probably better off how they are now
Come on, take a closer look
Come on, be a little more eager
Come on, let's hold hands gently
Come on, put a smile on
Talk and talk, gossip up a storm
But soon it's more than just a joke
Cross the mountains, cross the valleys
Get to the planet he lives on
Come on, everyone's watching the captain, the queen, and the ace
Yes, the missile counterbarrage is ready
But the man aiming has really been an alien since before he was born
Now, the cosmos is space
It's just one wide sweep
The cosmos's sugary taste
It's just one sweet
Just a pinch of magic when you're together with her
Just a pinch of sugar and you can have her
Episode 151 "Checkups Under the Bridge"
So, after that happened a week ago, we decided to have examinations on the riverbank.
Immortal
We borrowed some diagnostic devices from Ric's company,
and brought Takai and Shimazaki along, too.
Wait, he didn't realize I was trying to turn him down?
Ms. Shimazaki, you'd better not give Ko my results!
Please!
What's she so worried about?
This is terrible timing...
Yesterday, I ate enough for ten people...
You look like you haven't had a drop of water in a week!
What are you talking about? I look so chubby...
I think I'm gonna fall over...
She's purging before they weigh her...
Why the hell do girls do that!?
P-ko, standing on tiptoes won't make you weigh any less.
Okay, next. Maria, we're measuring your height.
Maria?
What is it, P-ko?
Man, you're lucky, Maria! Tall and stacked!
I wanna be like that when I grow up!
I'd have to hate you then.
And you, you're plenty cute as you are.
Especially when you smile.
Was I letting my expression show too much?
Next! Stella, your height.
Yeah, Maria's right.
Rather than frowning, I need to light things up with a grin!
Right, Stella?
Stella, 240cm...
+
Obese
Overweight
Normal range
Underweight
Dividing her weight by the square of her height, her BMI is...
4.2!?
+
Obese
Overweight
Normal range
Underweight
Stella...
Teach me how to do that!
Women are blinded by diets.
Episode 152 "Shimazaki's Rampage"
Okay, next are X-rays.
Please line up in order.
All right!
Haven't seen you in a while.
Mr. Shirai...
All right! I'll go first!
Youkai hidden art!
Look like I don't have my shell on technique.
I'll hold this for you.
Thanks!
All right, let's go!
Don't be so blasé about taking that off!
What, you thought I took it off?
That just means it worked on you.
Wrong, you idiot!
These two huge shadows!
I've never seen lung disease like this before!
Don't worry about those, they're special bones that kappa have.
They've started to spin!
I figured he got pretty hot dressed up like that in summer, but...
I see you fitted fans inside your suit.
What are you supposed to be, a desktop PC?
You got a problem with my skeleton?
The bone density is almost like plastic...
You're amazing, Mayor.
Okay, my turn.
Go for it, Ms. Shimazaki.
Sure...
Why am I so nervous?
But wait, this is my chance, I have to say something!
What, though? He looks so serious today!
He's so cool!
Oh, is it already done?
Oh no, it's all over...
I wanted to talk with him more...
If it's come to this...
So, how's it look?
I'd rather not say in public.
I think we need to give you a more thorough exam.
Ms. Shimazaki. What do I show signs of?
Your heartbeat is irregular...
You're showing signs... of love...
You'll be fine.
She must be wrong.
Yeah!
Maybe it's stress from staying on the white lines?
Shimazaki's rampage was answered with a silence unmatched in the history of the riverbank.
Episode 153 "Incurably Bold"
What, you're still at it?
Thou art late, Star!
I pray that you abstained from the pipe yesterday.
If you didn't skip that and eating, they can't take a proper blood sugar reading.
Yeah, sure I know.
Man, I'm perfectly healthy without this shit.
Are you okay, Ric!?
The hell's wrong with him?
Does it hurt?
I'm fine. It was just an allergy test.
It's a breathing test, so of course I had a spasm.
Really?
Then...
Three cheers for sickliness!
Okay, next for the blood sugar test.
Coming~
Jesus, you're so frail.
Oh well, if I have to...
Then...
Three cheers for sickliness!
Eh?
Are you okay, Ric?
Yeah, I'm fine. It was just from the stress.
Normally it doesn't happen.
I see.
It won't get any worse.
Hey, wait...
These numbers look pretty good...
Now that I think of it, my asthma hasn't acted up lately even when I owe people things.
I thought it was supposed to be the Ichinomiya family's hereditary disease?
What's up?
Wait, Star needs to be tested again?
Is he okay?
With how much Star smokes, it makes sense for him to have lung problems...
What's wrong, Star?
I'm fine. My blood sugar levels are just abnormal.
His blood sugar?
Just like Elvis and John... It's the fate of those born to be stars...
What are you talking about!? You've got rice all over your face!
Are you okay, Star?
What's this all over your face?
Is it a symptom?
Are you gonna make it?
I'm not sure...
That son of a bitch is doing it to make Nino fawn over him!
I'm so happy!
I knew what I was missing was a little weakness!
What? Ric needs another test too!?
Damn him!
Hes getting an EKG while sweating!
How many hundreds of meters did you just sprint, you bastard!?
What are you talking about?
Oh no, my asthma's acting up again!
Help me, Nino!
Oh, if you're gonna pull that shit...
Look at my fever!
What's wrong with you!? You just rubbed that back and forth in your armpit!
Oh, I'll show you!
Those two...
So this is goodbye?
Don't worry!
We're just kinda sick!
Yeah, he's right!
People who're only a little sickly live a lot longer than you'd expect!
But...
If you're not super-healthy,
you won't be able to pierce the atmosphere!
And, that night...
Sister spent all night in the fridge, but doesn't seem to have managed to catch a cold.
Why?
A smart, graceful, athletically- talented transfer student
Chiwa Saito
You should just stay Madoka Kaname.
Just like you have been until now. Forever.
Retest
Ric... and Star...
Retest
If you're not healthy...
This is goodbye.
It's really goodbye.
No, no, we're fine!
This is just, y'know—
But it requires plenty of qualities other than just health, right?
These are things which can serve as tests for those as well.
All right, let's take those tests, then!
I'll pass 'em without breaking a sweat!
Yeah! If he can do it, I'm sure I'll be fine!
Sister, what are those qualities?
To be honest, the most important quality for life on a rocket is...
I bet you'll fail in three seconds!
Then you'll fail in one!
Then you'll fail in a hundredth of a second!
Then you'll fail in a millisecond!
Cooperation with others, isn't it?
Impossible.
Episode 154 "Astronaut Evaluation Under the Bridge"
For rooms to evaluate your potential as astronauts,
I suggest you use the shelter in the basement of the church.
Separating into male and female groups, you'll spend a week in the shelter.
This will test your ability to cooperate.
In deep space, the slightest error is life-threatening.
We must reduce our stress.
All right, this'll be easy!
Let's go, girls!
Sure!
A week? That's a pretty long time...
I don't think I can take it!
Sorry, everyone.
If I'm more than five meters away from Billy, I'll die!
Jacqueline drops out in a hurry.
All right, let's focus and do our best!
A week-long sleepover!
Day 1
Aww, c'mon!
Day 2
Wow, I'm scared!
Day 3
And then, y'know, Mayor—
Day 4
That's great! Let me touch it!
Day 5
Aww, c'mon!
Day six.
This is great! I could take this test every month!
Yeah!
Wow, Stella, you're great!
You're keeping up your weight training even down here!
In a situation like this, maybe I'll think up a new finishing move!
Ooh, I hope you come up with a great one!
What's wrong, Maria? You look pale.
Sorry, everyone.
I can't take anymore. I'm leaving now.
Why!? Did I say something weird?
It's not you, P-ko. Just...
Just one more day! If you do it, we can all go to Venus together!
But it's been six days...
I haven't teased anyone in six days!
You rotting bulb!
Oh, I'm sorry! I'm supposed to be polite to girls, aren't I!
But you just love the earth so much, you rotting bulb, that you crawl down this dirty little hole!
Maria!?
You're not going to lose a single gram, you eternal dieter!
I found my new finisher!
If I twist my arm like this, while loosening up my shoulder blades...
Now I want to try it on someone!
Normally I'd use it on Ric, but if I can't go outside...
Hey, P-ko! Can you do me a favor?
No way!
You dirty girl!
C'mon, pweeeeeease?
You're going to rot down here!
Save me, Nino!
You know, P-ko, what's up with your head?
I've been wondering all night. Is that...
A sprout?
No, that's not it!
It just grows extra-fast here if I don't cut my hair every five days!
Don't stare!
It's not going to bloom or anything!
It blooms!?
Oh, good, your root isn't rotten yet!
A flower's gonna bloom!
Other than Nino, all the girls dropped out.
Episode 155 "Agony Endurance Contest"
The girls normally get along great. If they feel bad enough to drop out...
Maria is disappointed.
I don't think we can pass...
Okay, let's go.
It's cramped! It's tiny!
Just having to see this guy's face up close is more stressful than I expected!
I'd better stay quiet...
I hate to admit it, but it's best if the Mayor takes charge.
Mayor?
May—
It's a chick!
What are you talking about, Ric?
You're wrong! I'm the mayor!
That voice! It's Jacqueline in there!
Do you really need to be with Billy that badly?
Wait, where'd the real guy that's supposed to be in that suit go!?
Oh, Mayor, what about the test?
Don't worry about it.
When I go underground, I instinctively hibernate.
I just gave Jacqueline one of my old sheddings and sent her along.
He's terrible at cooperating...
Come on, Jacqueline. It's the boys' turn, you've got to leave.
But the mayor said it was okay!
We're leaving.
No, Billy! If you can't make it to Venus—
Shut up!
Never mind Venus.
I want to go be with my woman, Mayor.
Silly...
Bro!
Even a minute takes ages!
This is gonna be tough!
I knew this was the bad part.
He's maintaining his Cornish...
Advance simultaneously with the explosion.
Immediately take down the bridge and drop the enemy into the river.
Defend the Mayor to the death.
And he's imagining the defense of the Arakawa.
I don't know if I should focus on something internal like these two...
I don't think we can make it without talking about something.
But what is there that we won't fight about?
Hey, wait, this is the girls' logbook.
Day 2
This is so fun!!
This is the first
time I've had a chance to talk so long with everyone
The snacks are great too
I don't have a single complaint
Nino's sooo eccentric.
It's just a diary of what they chatted about, though.
It's full of P-ko's ideas for conversation.
Well, she seems the most cooperative of them all, so...
That's it! With all the ideas in here, one of them will work for us! I know it!
Hey!
Yesterday I think I caught the Mayor looking at me!
Don't you just mean that he saw you?
Okay, that wasn't a very good way for me to strike up a conversation,
but you guys need to try and keep it up!
This is a test of cooperation!
Yeah, sorry, you're right. Just doing this isn't cooperation at all.
Very well!
No matter the next topic you offer, we shall take it up with all our might!
Sure! We'll blow it up big!
All right! I'm picking a random page!
Let's see where it lands!
I had a dream about Kameari from Kat-tsun last night!
Oh, wow, that's so extraordinary!
What was he wearing?
Ric almost started to wonder whether they really were fun guys.
Looking back at the end of my journey,
as the days I long for pass
I see you wrapped in your red coat,
playing without waiting for winter
Farewell, mazelike days , I'd thank you if I realized days
Oh, oh, goodbye days
Looking forward at the beginning of my journey,
I take a deep breath so I won't have to stop
We're both swimming upstream toward tomorrow,
Swaying side to side like fish
Pain? No thank you days, sadness? No thank you days
Oh, oh goodbye days
Episode 156 "The Men's Elegy"
Day 7
What!? It's been seven days, and not one of the boys has come out?
Looks like it.
And listen to them having fun.
I was worried because of how much Star and Ric usually fight, but I guess they get along.
Maybe this brought them closer together.
I guess!
I wonder what they're talking about, let's go find out!
Okay, boys! The test's over!
Sorry, but we have to interrupt—
Yes, and when the King ate the bread I kneaded in the form of Kameari...
Wow, did that cure his headache!?
Kameari really is good for everything!
Oh my stars!
Yeah!
Kameari is just the best! He has to be!
Come on, let's talk about him more!
Indeed!
Kameari! Kameari!
Let's call a doctor.
This mental illness was named "Kameari's disease" then and there.
Wow, it's already this late? I must've lost myself in working on Cornish.
Kameari...
Huh? Did you just say something?
Next time! 8 Kameari×2!
You're such a funny guy, Last Samurai.
Illustration: Shigeto Koyama
Come back next week~